Prayer

Has someone hurt you? Hurt a loved one? Said something that ripped you to shreds? Made you feel like you weren't worth anything? Made you question every decision you’ve ever made?

Was this person someone who claimed to love you (or someone you love)?

What did you do?

Did you tell a friend about it? Tell them how much they hurt you?

Tell them

Every.

Single.

Thing.

Wrong.

That happened to you.

Did you dwell on it for days, weeks, or months? Crying? Worrying? Fretting? Planning a future without them in it? Plotting what you’d say the next time they had the audacity to say something else to you? Getting your hackles raised ready for the next fight?

Did you pray about it? Did you tell God about how awful this person is and how He should do something about them? Fix them and make them not hurt you anymore? Make them wake up and see the light? Make them see just how much they're killing you?

Did you make it all about you?

If you did….

Hey! We can be friends.

That's how I did things. (Fine, I still do some days – but I’m working on it.) I prayed for THEM. Oh, I prayed for me to not hurt anymore. But that was more about finding a nice, cozy spot of numbness so I could breathe - not actual healing.

But see, here's the thing. Prayer is personal. It's about your relationship with God. Yes, we pray for others, but if your heart isn't where it needs to be, your prayer isn't leaving your prayer closet, wherever that may be.

If you're harboring bitterness and resentment, and it feels like you can't let it go -- you can’t (not on your own, anyway). I don’t care how much we sing about letting it go --- it’s not going to go away without a conscious effort on your part.

You must give it to God - and LET HIM HAVE IT. Stop taking it back from Him. (I know, easier said than done.) If you baked cookies for someone and went to the trouble of giving them away, would you drive back over to their house at 3AM and steal your cookies back? No. That would be nuts. So, why do we allow Satan to run roughshod over our minds (usually in the wee hours of the night)? Because that’s what he does – he finds us at our weakest and whispers in our ears.

If you want to give it away and keep it away, I've found the best way to do this is to visit the altar. Frequently. There’s just something about that outward expression that helps. Ask God to forgive you for the bitterness taking root in your heart. Ask Him to forgive you for all the resentment in your spirit. Ask Him to start changing your heart. To start plucking out all those things you thought you had hidden in there. To get rid of those little in-roads that gives Satan an expressway into our lives.

It wasn't until I started praying for my heart and my relationship with God that I started seeing all those other prayers come to fruition.

Change me, God. Change my heart.

Help me to love them like you love me.

Show me what's hiding in my heart. Fix me.

Help me to be an example of what You can do.

I had to stop fixating on what everyone was doing wrong to me – and start fixating on my relationship with Christ. He can and will manage everything else.

I still have days where my prayers are “Whew, I’m having a tough one today. Please help me through this.”

It’s funny. We pray and ask for His help when the whole time He’s holding us there in the palm of his hand while he wades through the muck for us. We just can’t see it because we’re staring down at the muck instead of WHO is carrying us through it.

"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."

1 John 5:14-15

Ask Him to help you forgive them. It doesn't make what hurts you go away or let them off the hook for hurting you. It doesn't make everything okay. What it does do is free YOU from the bondage that unforgiveness keeps you in. It gives you room to breathe and makes space for God to move.

Forgiveness is where it all starts.

Get your heart right.

I’d end it here, but….

If you need to talk to someone, talk because holding it in will eat you alive especially in those early days when the hurt is fresh. I don’t care how introverted you are, you still need human connection and understanding. Just be conscious of how you're talking about it and with whom you are talking about it.

Are you complaining? Gossiping about your own issues? Are you still making snide, hurtful statements about them? If you are, I've learned (personally and painfully) that you need to get back on your knees. You've grabbed that baggage back from God instead of letting Him carry it for you. He's the best at carrying baggage. I mean, He did take on the entire weight of sin for everyone - for all time.

Or are you telling a friend who can help you pray for a specific cause? I hope it's this one. This one feels way better. This one helps. This one will guide you through that dark valley. This one helps you withstand the storm.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

James 5:16

We can help each other pray. Sometimes the only thing we can do is pray. We can pray and be there. Be a listening ear (and not a gossiping mouth). We can help carry each other's burdens until that person can give their worries and frets to God.